Repair isn't about winning the argument. It's about putting on the brakes before flooding turns one fight into distance.
A repair attempt is any statement or action meant to diffuse negativity and keep a conflict from escalating out of control — John Gottman calls them a "secret weapon" of emotionally intelligent couples, and their success or failure is one of the primary factors in whether a marriage flourishes or flounders [1].
"I see my tone got sharp. Can we restart? I want to understand you."
"You've been trying to tell me about ___ and I've brushed it off. I'm sorry I did that."
"I'm flooded. I need 20 minutes and I will come back to this."